She travels

Like most modern Westerners, I like to plan. I worked in corporate where I had to be very well-organized. Most of us are control freak and are afraid of the unknown. This fear is reflected during our holidays in which almost everything from morning until evening is planned in advance isn’t it?

But as we live this way, not only it can be stressful to run from place A to B, but we do not let room to be surprised. We do not allow ourselves to stay how long we truly want to stay for in the most paradisiac place, because we stick to the plan. Why don’t you change your mindset and live more freely?

Say hello to space and let life come to you. When abroad, give yourself a chance to learn from locals and other travelers to tell you where to go. A special place may call you, but sometimes you also want to stay and visit your new friends.

To allow adventure, you need to stop booking everything.  Create free time in your schedule allows you to live small and big adventures. It could be from being invited for a coffee, meet new people, explore nature, or none of these options. And by none, I mean something amazing, you also need to rest whilst traveling. Overdoing can happen easily, but when it does, you are restless, grumpy and certainly do not enjoy life as it is. It is not enough often highlighted, but you need to find the balance between rest and play.  

Here is a glimpse of my story. What happened to me last year thanks to the flexibility of my mindset and schedule.  2 years ago, I realized that I needed to bring meaning in my life. So I decided to sign up for a yoga teacher training in my top one dream destination that is, Bali. I thought that I would go there for one month, then come back to France to teach one class weekly, and will see how it goes from there. It did not happen like that at all, thank God. Here I was, jobless and alone at the opposite end of the world. However, it was one of the best times of my life. I felt that I was living a dreamy routine; Sunshine, amazing people, food, massage, sandy beach, yoga, surfing and more.

After 2 weeks I wondered about the next step. I was trying to honestly listen to my heart. My roommate invited me to join her as a volunteer yoga teacher for a summer yoga camp for unprivileged kids in Lovina, North Bali. The camp started a few days after the end of the yoga teacher training. It would be both a human and a professional experience.  This new path came to me, and I considered to accept this opportunity. Of course I had doubts and questions about my planned return date; If I am so happy here, why should I go home? What is there for me?

The answer was: nothing. I could not return to Paris. The feeling came from the guts, I needed to be where I wanted to be. I needed to explore the world and its cultures. Give back to the most innocent form of beings: children. Stay with my new (yoga) sisters. I needed to live my own adventure.  I was both excited and scared, but I canceled my return ticket in a few minutes on my phone. It was the first time that I ever canceled something, to be honest.

It was actually technically very to do it. The most lengthy and challenging part was making the decision. I am so glad that I chose to change my plans and open the door to uncertainty. Having no plan was thrilling, I was free! Absolutely free. It gave me joy. A deep sense of wellbeing in all my cells and beyond. I was undoubtedly radiating happiness. This feeling has no price. I wish you all to feel it at least one time in your life. Because from there, we know that we can do anything. We know that we can change our minds, and that we have the power to shape our life the way we want to. It is liberating to realize that no one is forcing you to do anything.  A few days after that, the old me was a bit back in the game.

I wanted to book as soon as possible a room to stay in Ubud for the days between the yoga course and the yoga camp. While I was starting to be anxious because no one was organizing anything, a friend recommended that we should visit Uluwatu before going to Ubud. She convinced me, and I was actually so happy with this late offer. It gave me the chance to see both Uluwatu and Ubud - when a couple of weeks ago they were not in the plan.  I did not stop there. A few days later, I bought a one-way ticket for Australia. Until I was in the airport in Bali, I thought I would start the trip to Brisbane.

However I canceled my booking in Brisbane, instead I booked a hostel in Byron Bay. Because I listened to my heart. And so went on my trip, with many - not always last-minute decisions. This is how I visited places that I didn’t plan. I let room for opportunities to arise. And I mean stunning landscapes, parties, naps, etc… I admit that late booking is not always the best financially speaking, or at the emotional level. Thinking about what are you going to do next, where is your life going can be stressful.

You need to find the good timing. Later on, I planned with one month in advance and went to Melbourne, Bali, Cambodia, India, and other destinations in Europe.  By now you got the point of this article. I can tell you that before leaving for the teacher training in Bali, it was at the back of my mind to extend my adventure but I didn’t imagine I would so much.

I realized that we can shift our life quickly and it is more simple than we suspect. It takes time to let go of the advice and worries of your close ones, your own prejudices and believed duties. But the thing is, at the end this your life, so make it yours! Babes, you have the power to shape the life you want. Trust yourself. Stop worrying, it is pointless to waste time and energy for something that it isn’t worthy.

Now is the moment to be fully alive. Let life flows for you. Be here, be who you want to be on this lovely and unique planet.  See you on the road, From my heart to yours, XIao.

This blog article is written by Xiao Lu.

Dear NomadHers,  

Today, I would like to share my story travelling solo in India for 3 months and a half.  Travelling alone above all is never travelling alone: all possible and imaginable places (sometimes unimaginable) can be the place of a meeting.

When you travel to an Asian country, and when you are physically different from other locals, you are easily recognizable and you are stared at by the locals, but on the other you quickly recognize yourself as a stranger. And then the contact is easy, fast, a bit like sharing a secret, something strong in common.  

I thus made pretty meetings in the youth hostels especially, but also in the buses, in the street, in cafes, restaurants, ashrams, Ayurvedic centers, travel agency ... in short everywhere I went,  I have met people. And most of the time the people we meet have the same program as me (namely the main tourist schedules, so it is not difficult to have the same travel schedule!

So in summary, the moments when I am alone (and therefore potentially feeling insecure) are rare. As soon as I travel with someone whom I met during my journey, "I feel it well", and therefore I feel serene.

As a woman, my rule N ° 1 is to follow my intuition. So if I don't feel the right intuition from someone, whether that is someone that I met on the road or through a rickshaw driver, I don’t follow them.

We are on a trip, so, therefore, we don’t need to bother the reasons with great explanations or polite expressions, just say “no” and that's the end of the story. So I feel zero associated guilt.  Also as a woman, I take care to cover my body well (to respect the local customs): a t-shirt that covers the arms and wide pants, all bought in India, it is more local and therefore necessarily more suitable.

I never go out alone at night. Ok, if I have met and I am not alone (and again, not late). Even if it is early night I always make sure I get back to my hotel or hostel during the day. Also, understand the local stress culture. It took me a while to understand that if men stared at me so much it's just because they rarely see white women. Women do the same!  I think my state of mind can affect the situation.

When I feel concentrated and fine, nobody comes to bother me. If I am in a worse state of mind (be in fear, worry, too much anger or too tired) then I will be "harassed" by street vendors and rickshaw drivers. I think we attract what we are (literally and in the present moment) and I find this particularly true in India.  

Also being a woman, it has allowed me moments of grace especially with children (and their mom), surely because being a woman facilitates contact with youth. I also had wonderful meetings, I was invited to an Indian family to live with them for a week. Would I have received the same invitation and the same welcome if I had been a man? I do not think so.  In conclusion, India, which is not a country that welcomes women easily, has only given me wonderful surprises until today. Being a woman who travels alone has advantages and disadvantages, as with any medal, there is a downside. It's up to everyone to make the bright side shine!  

From, Carole

Not only it is sexist, but it is also not true.

For men, adventure means the great outdoors, beautiful escapes and the pleasures of solitude.

However, travel risks also exist for men. But in their case, it's romantic, it's about surpassing yourself, it's  adventure, yes big adventure.

The woman is the one who stays. Like Penelope who faithfully awaits Ulysses while he goes on adventures and exploits. Penelope's heroism lies in her expectation, her patience, her immobility.

Travel is supposed to be dangerous for women, they are told that it will be in great danger. On the other hand, women are recommended to annihilate themselves in love and waiting.

This vision links to a sexist and misogynistic argument that a woman who travels alone takes reckless risks, that in the best of cases she is unconscious - if not that she is immoral.

The mechanism is as follows: women are deprived of an experience (traveling alone) while affirming, to support this point of view, that a woman who travels alone is a rare species. The circle is vicious.

In the collective imagination, it seems difficult for many to imagine that the weaker sex goes its adventures alone, without a man who would protect them from all the dangers of the world.

Once again, we infantilize women and dispossess them off their free will: to prohibit (or advise against, but in substance it is the same thing) something to a woman, even for her alleged "safety", proceeds from the same kind of alienation. In such a representation, women are expected to ignore the dangers that await them in the world; but strangely, when they denounce these dangers as not being insurmountable but as being the act of malicious men (harassment, attempted manipulation, rape ...), women are told that they are wrong, that they fantasize about a danger which is not one.

A few months ago in Tehran, a young German woman around me was subjected to intense and very intense harassment from a man. After seeing her in a grocery store near her home, he followed her to her apartment building and started waiting for her every morning and evening outside her door. He tried to speak to her despite his repeated refusals, launching declarations of love and marriage proposals in a poorly mastered German who had obviously learned the day before for the next day.

To avoid it and because she was very afraid, she started to systematically travel by taxi, to modify her schedules, to hide all her hair under her scarf when she approached her home. When she told her story around her, the good man jokingly replied, “Oh! but it's cute: he wants to marry you, you caught his attention that's all. It was lunar: she was supposed to be flattered by the harassment of this man. After a month, she went to the police station, where she was told more or less the same thing: "But don't be afraid, he doesn't want to hurt you, he's just in love! After two months of continuous harassment, she decided to leave Iran permanently.

The traveller is torn between these two figures: the frightened woman who fantasizes about danger, who is not "funny" because she does not want to go on an adventure; and, on the other hand, the damn we're trying to use

The characteristic of a patriarchal society is to structure the room for manoeuvre of women, to shape their preferences and their behaviour. A ban is always social, rarely natural. Resuming sexist injunctions (in this case, telling a woman that it is dangerous for her to travel alone), even in a benevolent manner, therefore only perpetuates this state of affairs.

Furthermore, constantly pointing out an alleged danger of solo travel for women only contributes to their objectification. Once again, women are presented only as potential prey, not as subjects with a vision of the world and the possibilities of defence within it.

The mechanisms at work in a society are never taken for granted. They exercise simply because they are encouraged. And so, the vitality of patriarchy is only made possible by these small daily abdications, by the fact that women are locked beings from the inside who have internalized the injunctions that they have been given since childhood. To convince yourself that being alone is dangerous and that you no longer want to be alone for this simple reason is to have fully internalized this injunction: you end up being convinced that it is normal to be afraid - and that, what which is not normal is to take such risks.

It is therefore important to go against the prescriptions of society: if not to overturn, at least to stop sexist mechanisms. The impact is real: on life, but also on those around him, and therefore a fortiori on an entire society.

Loneliness is emancipatory for oneself, but also for the image that one sends back to others and therefore for society. And if you are a woman and you hesitate to leave alone simply because you are afraid, ask yourself this question: would, in my place, a man hesitate for the same reasons?